1,2,3…Jump!

Why does the lie always seem easier than the truth?

I had the opportunity on November 3rd to celebrate a unique anniversary in my life. It was on November 3, 2004 I confessed my adulterous actions to my wife and small group. That day is almost like a 2nd birthday to me. Hope and joy were found on that day. Abundance of a life never imagined was finally found.

Before November 3rd, I lived each day in fear. Mentally and emotionally, I felt I was hiding in a corner with no way to get out. In my mind I heard the lie, “You will lose everything if you admit all you have done.” The lie was truth to me. There was a chain holding the lie to my leg. Everywhere I would go, I was reminded of the lie.

Why should I not believe the lie? I heard of men and/or women losing their family, job, friends and home when their past was exposed. Movies and television shows confirmed the stories. I could not see anything in my life to believe it would be different for me. If I was to be caught or tell what I have done, I would be alone. No one would love me again. This is all I could believe. For years, I would step to the cliff’s edge of admitting my past. Each time I would look down and see how far I would fall.  

It was not until November 3rd that my mind was completely overwhelmed with guilt, fear, abandonment and shame to the point of willing to jump of the edge of the cliff. I felt God had no other use for me. My wife and family did not deserve a man like me. It would be better to let everyone know now. My children were very young and this would give them a chance to not have to see their dad in this light.

Driving home from work that day, I had only one prayer, “Lord, I have failed in admitting my past before. Please make me so sick that I have to share with my wife.” As I walked into the house, a sudden feeling of nausea overwhelmed me. My legs went weak. My eyes were starting to tear. Fear was all around me. But instead of backing away from the cliff, I stepped off.

I fell; I fell into arms of grace I had never seen before. My wife showed me there was hope and a desire to work through my past. My tears of sorrow and fear turned to tears of joy. The strength in my legs immediately returned. The nausea was instantly gone.  Fear and it’s weight on my shoulders… gone!

It took time to see real, lasting change. But by taking the step off the cliff, I found a new place never before seen in my life. What you don’t see while you stand on the cliff is down below is a beautiful garden. Hope, peace, forgiveness, restoration, encouragement, friendship and Truth are only found here.against sun

 What lie has you stepping back from the cliff today?

 What change do you desire in your life?

 I am here to jump with you. But even better, God is here to catch you when you jump!

Leave a Reply